[2019] The Day Box Office Mojo Died

Nobody likes website redesigns. Even when the redesigns are pretty damn good and add some sorely needed features, like most of Youtube’s, there will always be a ton of complaints for a short time afterwards from people who aren’t yet used to the changes.

And it can get annoying when websites (namely those run by Google) are constantly updating, changing around visual design and icon placement and destroying your muscle memory a couple times a year for the sake of theoretically improving its layouts.

But there is one instance where a website redesign was done with malicious intent and ended up destroying an entire internet hobby, and that’s Box Office Mojo.

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[2013-2018] The Auralnauts Jedi Party Saga

2013 was the beginning of a renaissance for the Star Wars fandom. With the waning days of the post-Episode III Expanded Universe and the recent sale of Lucasfilm to Disney, things were about to change dramatically for the franchise and its massive fanbase. But in 2013, things were still simmering.

And with that simmering came the Auralnauts Jedi Party Saga…

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[2015] Almost Getting Into Steven Universe

I adore Steven Universe now; I think it’s one of the best TV shows of the 2010s. However, I only got into it in the Summer of 2018, when I was a NEET with far too much free time on my hands and lacking a TV show to eat breakfast to. The show started way back in 2013, so what the crap was the issue?

My roommates were the issue. In 2015, I very nearly got into Steven Universe thanks to them. And then I put it off for three more years, also thanks to them. Here’s the tale:

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[2017] Sean Spicer vs. The Dots

Sean Spicer, one of the first goons of the current White House administration to get sacked for publicity and ratings reasons, has a strange animosity towards Dippin’ Dots, that bad ice cream you sometimes buy at water parks. Just to know that this tweet exists, and that this guy went on to be on Dancing with the Stars somehow, brings a bright LED light to my cold, robotic heart.

[2016] The Street Sharks Lie

This is barely an article, because it’s mostly just a link to another, amazing article with minimum reflection involved. But I wanted you to be very aware that this does exist: How I used lies about a cartoon to prove history is meaningless on the internet

A bored teenager used the power of bad wiki editing practices to cause the entire internet to become infected with a stupid lie that stayed pervasive for so many years that it took an entire article exposing it to get it to go away. It’s as scary as it is awesome, and it couldn’t have happened to anything dumber than friggin’ Street Sharks.

While Roxie the female Street Shark never existed, we can at least take solace in the show’s totally radical toy commericals.

[2016] Comfort With Jontron (And Betrayal, Naturally)

The only time in my life I can say I had anything resembling clinical depression was in Summer 2016. My semester at university had ended, my little baby brother had graduated high school, and I was free for three months to do whatever the hell I wanted until I went off to Nagoya, Japan to study there for a year.

But due to massive compounding anxiety and heartbreak as a result of being cheated on and emotionally toyed with as I struggled poorly to handle myself, I fell into a pretty dark place.

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[2016] The Great Clown Panic of 2016 (lol)

I was studying in Japan for its entire duration, so I had absolutely no first-hand impact. But I remember vividly the laughably absurd mania that infected the entire United States for a couple months over friggin’ clowns.

What the hell was up with that?

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[2010] Double Rainbow & the Codification of Meme Expiration Dates

Do you remember the Double Rainbow video?

Like, do you actually remember it? This isn’t a rhetorical question. It’s been almost one decade since that video graced the internet, a ridiculously silly and wholesome video that instantly became an internet sensation. And yet, does anyone in the entire world today make reference to the fact that it existed?

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[2014] The Sony Hack

I think America is really messed up in a lot of ways, but one way is in our collective short-term memory being a single news cycle long, and that’s on a good day.

Remember when, five years ago today, North Korea launched a state-sponsored terror attack against Sony Pictures, leaking thousands of e-mails, scripts, and other sensitive files, then threatening a repeat of 9/11 if The Interview was shown in theaters?

This actually friggin’ happened, and yet it’s barely a footnote in the 2010s somehow. What is wrong with us?

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