I got comments back from a friend…

It’s like Christmas morning for any writer, and this weekend I finally got back some beta-reading critiques from a friend on a novel manuscript of mine. Getting your story torn to shreds is always a fun thing to go through as you revisit it for the first time in a while. Highly recommended for all writers.

However…

This friend is no mere commenter.

This friend is on a level of story commenting far beyond that of mere mortals. Here is a selection of just few of them, completely divorced from context:

“That’s what Beavis and Butthead would say. You know what? Beavis and Butthead should have scored with each other.”

“I understand I’m coming from seriously lacking, un-diverse cultural background, but since when has anyone complimented another’s natural hair on its incredible straightness?”

“The weather outside is frightful, but your uvula is so delightful.”

“I bet you expected me to say something about this scene and conclusion, huh? Well, it’s okay, could be better somehow I guess. There must be some way it can touch me deeper. Maybe if tears were falling from eyes, but they were eyes that only cried. Rather than eyes that knew why.”

“I hate that. Back out now! You DO NOT have to marry”

“I really enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for thriving on your pain, girls!”

“This sentence adds nothing. A nothingburger”

“Ugh. I feel like someone just told me a Yo Momma joke. A bad one. I feel like you told it.”

Reading these comments is less about seeing a reader’s reactions to your prose and plot than it is watching someone Rifftrax their way through a manuscript draft.

This is why I love being a writer.

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